


Taco hell

by HamilHam



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Comedy, Other, Stalking, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26166472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HamilHam/pseuds/HamilHam
Summary: A collection of short stories based on my life at work. Hamilton characters will play the parts of myself and my co workers.NOT associated with taco bell. I work at an independent shop.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the story of when a woman peed on the floor at my work while I was telling off disgusting drunks. 
> 
> Also every character that plays me will be trans, as that is usually a topic that comes up.
> 
> Alexander is me, and John is my co worker. She no longer works with us, but that's okay!
> 
> I am rude to some customers, but I have permission to be. I am often harrassed at work, so I make them leave me alone. My boss has worked with me during these times and she often cheers me on. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! More will come!

Alexander smiled tightly at the group of highly inebriated men who were standing before him. He wanted nothing more than to go home and go to bed, but he was stuck in this hell hole until just a little after 3AM. So that meant he would have to deal with the last of the bar crowd as John rang the previous group through. “What can I get for you tonight, boys?” He asked.

The leader of the group gave Alexander a once over, then smirked at him. It was enough to make him gag. “Word on the street says you have a pretty tasty taco. Wanna give me a bite?” He asked.

Alexander could feel his skin crawl, and he was almost glad that John didn’t hear what was just said. If he did, he would have hopped over the counter and killed the asshole. He almost wanted it to happen, but he had to be grateful he wouldn’t need to nail his friend out for murder. “It depends on what kind of taco you’re looking for. Hard or soft shell?” He asked.

The men all laughed and the leader just smirked. “You know I like it hard, baby.” He purred.

Alexander stared blankly at the man, and decided that no amount of tips were worth it. He  _ really  _ regretted shaving last night. “I never met you before, but I can tell that hard is something you struggle with. So soft for you?” He asked in a falsely sweet tone.

The leader looked slightly less than pleased, but he kept up with his disgusting talk. “Oh, kitty has claws huh? What time do you get off?” He asked.

“With you? Never. Now, tell me what fucking shell you want, or get out.” Alexander was done with his bullshit. 

The men were clearly taken aback. “You can’t talk to me like that!” The man exclaimed. 

Alexander just snorted. “With the way you spoke to me? I can say whatever the fuck I want, asshole. I don’t have to take your shit! Plus, you’re piss drunk, you won’t remember who I am, or most of what I said in the morning. You might just remember that you were flirting with a man in a taco shop at 2:30AM.” He hissed.

“Woah, wait! You’re a dude!?” They all yelled in unison; kind of impressive for drunk people.

Alexander rolled his eyes and sighed. “Yes, I am. Now, our tacos. What. Do. You. Want? Or are you planning on wasting my time any longer?” He asked.

The men were just about to speak when a woman came waddling in, holding her skirt down. I was the classic ‘I-need-to-pee’ walk that kids and drunk people did. Alexander could see her heading right toward the bathroom, and he knew he had to say something. “The washroom is closed. There is a Korean restaurant next door that has one.” He said.

The woman stopped, looked Alexander in the eyes, then shuffled around. She then squatted down then just stared at him. Alexander had a feeling that he knew what was happening, but he was too shocked to react. She was peeing, and making direct eye contact with him. What. The. Fuck. No one spoke while this happened, everyone, including John was just staring at the woman as she went about her business. 

Once she was done, she fixed her clothing then walked out as if nothing happened. Then John spoke up. “Did she just take a fucking piss!?” He asked loudly.

Alexander just stared where the woman was. “She fucking pissed on our fucking floor. I’m going to kill that piece of shit bitch!” He yelled, then grabbed the mop to clean up the mess.

One of the men just smiled a little. “That’s kind of hot.” He said. 

Alexander stopped in front of the puddle, then glared at the men. “Shut your fucking mouth before I stick your face in it.” He hissed.

The men immediately stopped talking and held their hands up. They stayed quiet as Alexander cleaned up the mess and John finished helping the group he was dealing with. After that, they served the men who ended up leaving them a $50 tip for being dicks and for what they had to go through. 

Finally, they locked the door and stared at the wall. “So…” John said.

“If I ever see that girl again, I’m going to fucking piss on her head.” Alexander hissed.

“No you won’t.” John said in amusement.

Alexander sighed and nodded. “I won’t. But that won’t stop me from imagining it.” He said.

John chuckled and nodded. “That’s fair.” He said.

Alexander grinned a little. “Yes, yes it is.”

With that, they closed up and headed home, only to have to deal with more issues the next night. They were truly in taco hell.


	2. Baby - The beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander meets someone he wishes he never met. This is the story of the time he met his stalker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a little less funny, but it sets up the scene for a lot of hilarious and terrifying encounters. I have a stalker at work who calls me her baby. She is actively trying to break my fiancée and I up, and I won't stand for it. She doesn't seem to take the hint, and ends up following me when she sees me in public. 
> 
> I will honestly be surprised if she doesn't end up killing me one day. She's creepy as hell lmao
> 
> In this chapter, Alexander is taking my role once again. 
> 
> Eliza is taking the role of the one and only gagakumadraws, my darling fiancée. 
> 
> Hercules is taking the role of my previous co-worker who was 6'11" (210.82 cm). I thought he was terrifying at first, but he's just a fucking teddy bear. You will see in later installments that he's useless in a fight and I often had to act as a body guard for him, rather than the other way around.
> 
> Charles Lee plays the co worker that I absolutely despised. He was a disgusting little man.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

Alexander looked at the heavily intoxicated woman in front of him and gave her the brightest smile he could. Her make up was poorly done, and she looked like she hadn’t seen the sun in months. She was giving him the strangest look he’d gotten in a while, but he tried his best to ignore it. This was his first bar night he’d ever done, so he had to make the best impression he could, especially if she might turn into a regular. “Hello! What can I get you tonight?” He asked in the brightest tone he could, despite the way she was staring at him.

She swayed a little as she stared at him, then she licked her lips slowly and smirked at him. “I want some nachos.” She said.

Alexander shook off the strange feeling he got from her and just nodded along. “Alright, what size would you like?” He asked.

She just stared at him silently for what felt like minutes, when it was only a few seconds. “Do I look like I would eat anything less than a large?” She asked.

Alexander felt his smile start to fade, but he forced it back into place. “Sorry ma’am. I don’t judge people by how they look. For all I know, you could have already eaten and are just grabbing a small snack for the road.” He said, then grabbed the large container.

“Trust me, honey. I will  _ always _ get a large.” She purred.

Alexander just nodded and then set the container onto the counter. He could hear the other people in the restaurant yelling about the most random shit, so he ignored it the best he could. “I will try to remember that. Anyways, would you like the shredded cheese to be baked on top, or do you want the nacho cheese?” He asked.

The woman laughed and looked at the man beside her, who was glaring daggers at him. This was starting to turn into something more than just uncomfortable. “Isn’t he so cute, honey? Just look at him, he’s adorable!” She cooed.

The man just snorted a little and looked ready to murder Alexander. “Yeah… Cute…” He almost hissed.

Alexander was starting to get annoyed with this. “Sorry, how would you like your nachos? Shredded che-” he couldn’t finish what he was saying. 

“Listen here, baby. I want my nachos layered. I want a layer of chips, then beef. I want you to put bacon on it, then a thick layer of cheese. Then do it again. I like it meaty and messy. Just like I’m sure you would be if you fucked me.” She purred.

Alexander almost threw up at the thought. “Sorry, please don’t talk to me like that ma’am. I’m here to serve you food, not to hear about your sexual fantasies.” He threw in a slightly harsh tone, wanting to get his point across.

The man seemed a little less angry at Alexander’s response, while the woman just giggled like a schoolgirl. She growled playfully at him and pawed the air. “Oh, you’re feisty too. I sure hope you’re single.” She purred.

Alexander shook his head and gave her a hard look. Fuck good first impressions, he hated this woman. “No, I’m not. I’m engaged to the most beautiful woman I have ever met, and I can say with certainty that she respects me and my boundaries.” He then got to work on her nachos, ignoring the looks he got from her and his co-workers.

He didn’t care if he would lose his job over this; anything was better than taking the bullshit she was throwing his way. He quickly made her nachos and almost slapped her when she reached over the counter to touch his hand. “Please don’t touch me.” He said in a firm tone.

The woman just smiled and ran her fingers over his arm, ignoring what he just said. It was as if nothing he said mattered. “Add more cheese please. I want it as messy as possible. I’ll show you how much better I am than your fiancée.” She purred.

Alexander moved his arm away, but her nails were still scraping his skin. He quickly finished up her nachos and closed the container. “You couldn’t ever be better than her. Trust me. She doesn’t go around touching random men after they made their lack of interest abundantly clear.” He said flatly.

Before she could speak, he walked to the till and punched in the nachos, plus the charge for the extra cheese and meat. Once she got to the counter, she giggled at the price. “That’s a lot of money. Can you make it cheaper for me, baby?” She asked.

“No, you have to pay for all the toppings you wanted more of. It’s on the board and you saw it clearly. Also, don’t call me baby. Cash or card?” He asked.

The man stepped up and held up his card. “I’ll pay for my fiancée's food.” He said, taking Alexander aback.

They were engaged and she was acting like this!? Right in front of him!? He looked at the man with wide eyes and did his best to send him his sympathies and best wishes. The man shared his look and dropped his glare, seeming to see that Alexander really didn’t want anything to do with the woman. Soon, the food was paid for and the woman looked Alexander up and down. “I’ll have you trained soon. You’ll be wrapped around my finger, baby. Just like him.” She grabbed the man’s arm harshly and dragged him out. 

Alexander felt a hand on his shoulder and he jolted hard and whipped around to hit whoever was grabbing him. He stopped immediately when he realized it was just Hercules. “You okay, dude?” Hercules asked.

Alexander swallowed hard and then shook his head. “Not really… That lady was insane.” He said.

Hercules nodded and pulled him to the back. He lifted Alexander up effortlessly and sat him down onto the deep freezer and handed him his phone. “You sit down and breathe. Charles and I will take care of the rest.” He then went back up front and got back to making food.

Alexander was floored, so he texted his employer to tell her what happened. He wanted her to know just why he was sitting on top of the freezer rather than working. He told her what he said to the lady, and the attitude he showed her. He would rather Martha heard it from him than anyone else. 

To his surprise, Martha told him that he had every right to get rude. She told him that going forward, he was allowed to get rude to anyone that started shit or wouldn’t listen to him. In her words, they were too drunk to remember it, and drunk people needed someone to be firm with them sometimes.

He smiled a little and went to hop off the freezer, but Hercules looked around the corner and leveled him with a firm glare. “Don’t you move, little man.” He said.

Alexander huffed and crossed his arms. He then paused and quickly texted Eliza to tell her what happened. They had some fun talking about it, then it was time to close. Once they were done, Alexander grabbed his bag and grinned at the other two. “Can’t say that was the best night I have ever worked, but it was alright.”

Hercules chuckled and patted his shoulder. “Welcome to taco hell, Alexander. It just gets worse from here.” He said.

Alexander smiled tightly and nodded. It really was hell, but at least the tips were good.


	3. Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip gets a message that he has to work alone, so he reaches out to his Dad for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a literal situation that happened to me a while back. This was back when bar nights at work were still a thing. I freaked the hell out and asked my Mom to work, and all she wanted to do were the dishes. So, of course I had to put Alex and Philip into that situation!

Philip stared down at his phone and immediately wanted to cry. His co-worker was in the hospital, and she wasn’t able to work that night. She was supposed to be working the bar rush with him, and there was no one else available. He had a feeling that he would be told he would have to work alone, which was something he did  _ NOT  _ want to do. He was a transgender male who was barely tall enough to reach the small wraps on the shelf, and most of the people downtown knew this. Sure, he could handle himself in a fight if he had to, but not if there were twenty drunk people screaming at him for tacos!

Just as he was getting ready to text his boss, a notification from her lit up his screen. She just told him he would have to work alone. There was more to the message, but he didn’t open it yet. Maybe he could jump into traffic and be done with it? No, he couldn’t do that. He had a fiance who loved him, and he couldn’t do that to Kasai. That wasn’t fair to him, no matter how tempting it was. 

Philip bit his lip and opened the text and was shocked at what he read. Yes, he was working alone, but his boss asked him if he had anyone that would stay with him while he worked. He gapped, then immediately called his Dad, waiting anxiously for him to pick up. The moment he did, Philip let loose a string of words even he didn’t understand, feeling hot tears streaming down his face. He was immensely relieved and worried at the same time. He didn’t have any friends available, and if his Dad said no, he was fucked.

There was silence on the other end of the line once Philip was finished babbling, which only worked to increase his anxiety. Before he could beg, his Dad spoke. “Well, hello to you too, Pip. Do you want to repeat that a little slower? I didn’t catch a word you just said.” Alexander spoke soothingly.

Philip felt his shoulders relax slightly as he listened to his father speak. He wouldn’t let him down, he just knew it. He had nothing to worry about. “My co-worker is in the hospital. No one else is available to work, so I have to work alone. 5PM to 3AM. She was supposed to come in at midnight, but now no one is. My boss asked me if I had anyone that could stay with me from 12 to 3 because it’s pretty dangerous down here. Are… Are you busy tonight?” Philip asked.

Before he could even take a breath to hold, Alexander spoke. “Can I do the dishes?” He asked.

Philip just stared at the wall, absolutely floored by that response. “W-what?” He asked, worried that he’d misheard him.

“I said, can I do the dishes? I need something to do to keep myself awake. Plus, easy access to the knives if a mother fucker threatens my kid.” Alexander said.

Philip couldn’t help it. He broke into loud fits of laughter mixed with relieved sobs. He knew he could trust his Dad. “Oh my god, yes. You can do all the fucking dishes you want, Dad. All that matters is that you get there for midnight.” He sniffed.

Alexander chuckled down the line and shook his head. “How about I get there for 10? I would rather be there sooner so I can help as much as I can. Give you a bit of a break.” He breathed.

Philip wiped his eyes and grinned a little. “Sounds good… Thanks Dad, I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too, Pip. Now go take a nap. You’re going to need it.” Alexander said.

They hung up, and Philip went to do what he was told. Sure, it wasn’t that busy because of the virus, but he still wanted to be well rested before work. Especially if his Dad was coming in. The man was amazing, but once he got to talking, neither hell nor high water could stop him.


End file.
